STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES

I don’t like sand…

Thankfully, Attack of the Clones cut out Jar Jar for the most part. I mean, he does allow the creation of an army that eventually leads to the destruction of the Jedi, but we’ll look over that for now.

After a failed assassination attempt against Senator Amidala, two Jedi Knights, Obi Wan Kenobi and the now grown up Anakin ‘Ani’ Skywalker are sent to protect her. Following some shenanigans in a bar, Skywalker and Amidala travel to Naboo whilst Obi Wan hunts down a bounty hunter by the name of Fett. No, not that one. They all eventually get captured on the planet Genonosis, which leads to a visually spectacular fight between the Jedi order and the Droid army. Surrounded, we are faced with the ‘all is lost’ moment. Then, from the sky, the Clones…well….Attack. Kenobi and Skywalker face off against new Sith Lord Count Dooku, brilliantly portrayed by the late Christopher Lee. With Anakin de-armed, and Kenobi injured, Yoda enters, and we are given the best surprise of the prequel trilogy: Yoda is f*****g crazy with a Lightsaber. Oh, and then Anakin and Padme get married.

On the whole, Attack of the Clones is a far better attempt than The Phantom Menace. And that’s only for one reason. If, like me, you skip all the scenes on Naboo between Anakin and Padme, not only is the movie a lot shorter, it’s also a lot better. Plus, you get more focus on Ewan McGregor’s Obi Wan Kenobi, and a lot less time with Hayden Christensen’s whiny Anakin Skywalker. That being said, the third quarter of the movie is some of the most boring story telling in the prequel trilogy.

Unfortunately, the politics of The Phantom Menace return, just in slightly less usage.

The high points of the film definitely make it worth the watch. The fight between the Jedi and the Droids and Yoda vs Dooku are by far some of the best fights in the trilogy. The visuals are spectacular throughout the film, and unlike Episode 3, not every scene is green screen. Just most of them.

Overall, Episode 2 is far better than Episode 1. Far more time is spent telling a story that, while making actual sense, also is fun to watch. But the scenes between Anakin and Padme are horrific. They’re long, tedious and damn-right awful. Star Wars shouldn’t be about not liking sand, or frolicking in a field. It’s about space ships shooting space ships. And Lightsabers. Many, many Lightsabers.

6.5-7/10, depending on which scenes you skip.

If you want to see what could have been, I suggest you watch Belated Media’s version here… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAbug3AhYmw